We question who we are and start asking ourselves those really deep questions about life – where am I going? What do I want? What makes me happy? What is my purpose?. We begin to ponder the bigger things in life and wonder if there is more.
It is very common for women in their 40’s to feel stuck. Years of dieting, years of negative self-talk, comparison and self-judgement, looking in the mirror and criticising all the bits we don’t like starts to take its toll.. We have been so busy taking care of everyone else that we forgot the most important person – ourselves.
As women we tend to go through the motions of life, for example meeting a partner, getting married, and having children. We are very good at ticking those boxes and nurturing others and taking care of other people, but the question that remains is… Do all of those things actually make us happy?
While this may give us fulfilment for a certain period of time, as the children start to leave home or are less dependent, it leaves space for you to figure out who you are. You need to figure out the things that are going to help you thrive and bring you joy. You have continued to grow and create new interests, along while raising children, but you haven’t really had time to dive deeper into those interests.
You’re not alone when you ask yourself this question… Who am I? It’s a really difficult question to answer, isn’t it? How would one even start to work that out? Here are 3 questions to discover a little more about yourself that may be able to help:
What would you do if you couldn’t fail?
If failure was out of the question and you were living your best, what would you be doing?
Visualize where you are, what are you doing, how are you feeling at that moment. It’s important to go through the motions of imagining that without any concerns around not having enough money, or not being able to do that, or thinking you don’t believe in yourself. Rid yourself of those limiting beliefs and really evaluate this question for yourself.
What are your core values?
What drives you everyday to get up in the morning? Is it fun? Is it adventure? Are you wanting more security and safety? Or are you wanting to feel more significance in areas of your life? These core values are going to drive who you are in your identity and how you are expressing yourself in the world. Think about how you are delivering your truth and how people might get to know you and connect with you.
What makes you genuinely happy?
Think about this in terms of yourself, not about what you do for other people. Just something that you do for yourself to make yourself happy. What fills up your cup and makes your heart feel full of joy. Was it the last time you were on holiday? Is it when you are spending time with good friends? Was it being alone with your partner? Or maybe doing some self care and taking a yoga class?
These are great things to think about while you work out your truth and your identity. Ultimately, you want to get to your reason for living, your purpose. Finding the answers to these questions is going to help you figure those things out and live your truth.
When we are able to establish this deeper connection within ourselves, the challenging relationships that we have with food or with other external things that gratify us, start to fall away.
The wheel of life is a powerful tool to help us look at areas of our life that may not be feeling so fulfilled and allow us to begin developing our goals for ourselves out of that as well.
The Wheel of Life is the building blocks of different areas of our life that might need our attention.
Business and Career
Rate yourself on how your business fulfilling you from 0 to 10. Anything below 5 could probably do with some work and focus. What would you like to be doing? How can you move that number closer to 10?
Rate your finances from 0 to 10. Are these impacting your stress levels? Are you making ends meet every month or are you comfortable in this area? Are you putting your head in the sand? Are you pretending you don’t want to know what’s going on?
How would you rate your health? Are you taking care of yourself? Where would you rate this area from 0 to 10 and how could you improve it? What is your connection like between your body and your soul?
Family and Friends
You might need to split these out if you wish as they might be separate from one another, but how would you rate the quality of these relationships? How much time do you get to spend with them? Are you getting enough of these interactions?
How would you rate your relationship with your partner? Is it getting enough attention from you? Are you feeling fulfilled in your sex life? Are you happy in your relationship? Are you and your partner spending enough quality time? Are there things going on there that might need some addressing for you to live your life full of purpose and passion. It’s ok to be scared to confront it, but you won’t start feeling that fulfilled feeling in your life until you address it.
What steps are you taking to help yourself grow? How are you learning and developing? What is your goal and how are you working towards that? What do you enjoy learning about? How are you getting out there in the world?
Fun and Recreation
Do you like to holiday? Do you like to adventure? What do you like to do to have fun on a daily basis? How do you try and spark joy within yourself? So often we neglect fun because we have been looking after the house, the children, and our partner. Try to rekindle that fun element that is so necessary in your life.
Your Physical Environment
When you walk into the house, how does it make you feel? Are you happy in the area that you live in? How does it make you feel? What kind of energy does that bring to you?
These elements are important in thinking about how you are living your very best life over 40, and know that it is absolutely possible for you to live with passion and purpose. You don’t have to feel stuck and overwhelmed and unsure of where you’re going. It will happen for you if you take the time to learn.
If you would like some more positive reinforcement during your journey to finding your purpose over 40, join our 365 days of Self Love Emails and keep your momentum going!